somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
