Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
