And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
