Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
