Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
