I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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