I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
