last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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