Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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