im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
