i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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