what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
