Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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