she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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