New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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