Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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