in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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