You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
