You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
