what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
