one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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