Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
