North Korea, Best Korea!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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