So drunk its hurt
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
