Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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