what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
