I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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