In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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