escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
