he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
