So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
