I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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