he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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