I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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