You really coming over, don't trick.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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