Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
soo... how was my night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
