I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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