I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
