so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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