the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
