I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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