Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
As shirtless as possible
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
