I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
