Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
