He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
