Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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