I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
