She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
