Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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