He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
