No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
