I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
