I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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