Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
