My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
