Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
