Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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